


More than one secret

by Ta_Moe



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Era, Complete, F/M, M/M, Merthur - Freeform, Season/Series 04, Wordcount: 1.000-5.000, minor series 04 spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-13
Updated: 2013-01-13
Packaged: 2017-11-25 08:15:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/636907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ta_Moe/pseuds/Ta_Moe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin is keeping various things from Arthur, so what happens if the king finds out one of them?</p><p> </p><p>(It may all start out quiet angsty, but for anyone who knows me: there are most of the times happy endings ensued... ;D)</p>
            </blockquote>





	More than one secret

Most of the time Merlin didn't mind that Arthur was an utter prat, because deep down he knew that they were friends, that Arthur cared for him enough to worry about him. But sometimes it was just too much. He couldn't stay calm when his king was shouting at him, glaring at him and being more of an ass hole than usual and it was then that Merlin's confidence took a punch and started to crackle.  
Whenever that happened he would look at Arthur so hurt and lost that the blonde would be able see right through him if he weren't such an arrogant and self centred idiot, and see how much he truly cared about him. Merlin would clench his teeth and his brows would twitch and he would be rendered speechless and storm off.

After Arthur had married Gwen it had gotten only worse. Arthur was even more of a prat and Merlin wasn't able to stay close to him at all most of the times, especially not when Gwen was close by. It just hurt and even though Merlin knew perfectly well that he had no right in claiming Arthur he was still hoping and cursed himself for his wild fantasies in which Arthur would always choose him over any girl.

“Merlin”, Gwen came towards him one day, when Arthur had yelled at Merlin once again after he had accidentally smashed a plate and ruined their lunch.  
“Are you alright?”, the woman asked and touched Merlin's arm gently, “You know Arthur doesn't mean it like that, he was just in a mood because of the training...”  
He flinched away and didn't dare to meet her eyes.  
The dark haired man was standing in a corner of the castle hallways, hiding from the whole world, leaning against the cold stone wall with his forehead. He was trying his best to keep the tears away but it seemed almost impossible, especially now that one of the reasons he was so messed up was trying to console him.  
“I'm fine”, he said, his voice unsteady, belying himself.  
“Merlin”, Gwen pushed carefully at his shoulder and forced him to face her, though he wouldn't meet her eyes.  
“Are you crying?”  
He tensed and looked away again, “No”  
It was an obvious lie.  
Gwen didn't say anything and sighed, “He's such an idiot, really. I'm sure you know he cares for you and doesn't mean to hurt you by shouting meaningless things at your head”  
Merlin shook his head, “Well, he doesn't care enough to stop treating me as if I was just his servant”  
“You are his friend, his best friend even, Merlin. You know that?”  
Why was she so sweet to him? It would have been so much easier if Merlin could just hate her for simply being herself, but it wasn't like that. She was his friend.  
“Yeah, I know that, but apparently he doesn't”, Merlin growled and Gwen reached out to brush his tears from his cheeks.  
“You know that's not true. He just doesn't know how to show his feelings”  
Merlin scoffed, “Oh, I'm sure he does – at least when it comes to you”  
He hadn't meant to say that and quickly shut his mouth again.  
Gwen only smiled at him full of pity, “Oh Merlin. I'm a woman, that's different”  
“Exactly...”, Merlin agreed annoyed and made a face.  
She stroked his cheek gently and smiled up at him, “It's alright to be angry at him, Merlin. Friends can be like that from time to time, don't put up with everything he does to you, alright?”  
Merlin looked down at her and sighed, “I wish I had control over that”  
There was something questioning in Gwen's face but he wouldn't explain what he had meant.  
“Merlin, I'm sure he'll stop shouting at you if you just told him how upset it makes you”, she was still trying to cheer him up and Merlin couldn't help a soft smile playing on his lips in return.  
“I can't”, he said however and let his eyes fall, “I-”

But before he could go on, a loud voice shouted into their direction: “Guinevere!? MERLIN?”  
Arthur was standing in the hallway, looking at them confused and frowning.  
Gwen quickly turned around and looked at her husband. Merlin avoided the king's eyes.  
“What are you doing?”, the blonde asked suspiciously.  
“Nothing, Arthur”, Gwen said hastily and walked towards him, “I was just talking to Merlin”  
“I can see that”, Arthur's eyes were fixed on Merlin who was still looking away.  
When the younger man finally looked up, their eyes met and he could see so much hate and distrust in the blue orbs that usually shone of so much confidence and trust that he had to take a step back in shock.  
Arthur whirled around, pulling Gwen after him and they left almost running.  
Merlin didn't know what had happened and he leant back against the wall more than a little irritated.

When he brought Arthur his dinner later that night, the blonde turned to look at him and glared.  
Merlin flinched and placed the tray on the table, avoiding Arthur's gaze.  
“Why are you here”, the king growled and stomped to the table, “Do you think I'll EAT that?!”  
He shoved the plate to the ground and Merlin jumped at the sudden move and stared at Arthur in shock.  
“Wha... what?!”, he babbled, not knowing what was going on.  
“Oh, don't even TRY, Merlin!”, Arthur scoffed, “I was sure you would be INTELLIGENT enough to be GONE by now!?”  
Merlin froze. Gone? Why would he go? And where?  
“Where to, sire?”, he asked dumbfounded.  
“Don't make a fool out of me, Merlin!”, Arthur yelled and kicked a table leg.  
“I... I'm not, I don't know what...”  
“I SAW you!”, Arthur shouted.  
“What?”, Merlin was still unable to pinpoint what he was talking about.  
“I'm not STUPID, Merlin!”  
Merlin stilled and gaped at the king. Had he found out about the magic? Was that it? What if he had? What would he do to him? Burn him? Oh, that's why he said he had expected him to leave, he was friend enough of giving him a chance?  
“I'm... I'm sorry”, Merlin whispered and looked at the floor ashamed.  
“Is... is that ALL you have to SAY?”, Arthur was truly angry and clenched his fists, “You LIED to me! You BETRAYED me!”  
Merlin rose his head and met his furious eyes, “I... I dunno what you want me to say, Arthur! How could I have told you!?”  
“Exactly, how about just not DOING it?!”, Arthur moved closer, glaring, “I TRUSTED you! And THIS is how you betray my trust?”  
“NO!”, Merlin all but yelled, desperate to make the blonde understand. He felt himself being close to tears, “You CAN trust me!”  
“How?!”, Arthur shook his head, “After all this? How long has this been going on?!”  
Merlin stared at him, “Since... always?”  
“A... ALWAYS?!”, the king scowled, almost laughing, but not with heart.  
“I'm sorry, I really am, but all I wanted was to protect you!”, Merlin said, tears rolling down his face.  
“Why are YOU crying, Merlin? YOU are the one who's at fault here! And how do you think this would have helped me? Protection you say, but HOW exactly did you think would our future look like?!”  
“I'm sorry!!! I meant to tell you! SO often! I just didn't know HOW – I was too scared, really, I never meant to hurt you”, Merlin sank down on his knees, sobbing, “This... this is why I never said anything, I knew it would end like this, you hating me... I never wanted that to happen – I was just that scared”  
“Then maybe you shouldn't have been that obvious about it!”, Arthur shouted, “Now, stop crying, you are a MAN aren't you? You should STAND up to what you've DONE!”  
He wouldn't stop and it made Merlin's heart ache and break more and more. He buried his face in his hands, crying everything out he had always held back so desperately.  
“I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry”, he whimpered repeatedly, but Arthur would have none of it.  
He bent down to him, tilted his chin and forced Merlin to look him in the eyes. “I thought we were friends, I don't think I can ever forgive you... you of ALL people”, he spit.  
Merlin's tears streamed even more and everything hurt, his chest, his head, his eyes.  
“I'm SO sorry!”, Merlin sobbed, “I didn't mean to-”  
“THEN WHY did you DO it?”, Arthur shouted, letting go of him, throwing his arms in the air, “Because I don't UNDERSTAND!”  
“I had no CHOICE!”, Merlin yelled back, balling his hands into fists, “I was BORN like this and if you had known from the start you'd have told your father and get me KILLED and then I just didn't know how or when I could have told you!”  
Arthur furrowed his brows, “That's such a bad excuse, Merlin!”  
“It's not! It's just WHO I AM! And it's my DESTINY to protect you and even if it weren't I'd still do ANYthing for you!”, Merlin went on, since he was going to get be sent away from Camelot or killed even, why hold back at all?  
“Then WHY did you go behind my back?”, Arthur asked again, loud, hurt, “Excuse ME, but I just don't understand your agenda!”  
“I love you!”, Merlin yelled.  
Arthur stilled and stared, speechless.  
Merlin looked up at him, his lips a tight line, “I do... I'd do anything for you, Arthur... and I'd... I'd never hurt you... all I ever did was help you and Camelot”  
“What?”, was all the blonde was able to mutter, “That... that doesn't make ANY sense!”  
“How can you SAY that?”, Merlin shouted, “I love you, of course I'd protect you and I swore to myself I'd be there for you forever and HELP you become king and support you in ANY way I can”  
“But … you cannot … what do you mean by that, even”, Arthur was still more than confused.  
“By what?”  
“Lo... love?”  
Merlin blushed all of a sudden and his voice faltered a bit, “Er... what do you think?”  
“I asked YOU”, Arthur shouted.  
“FINE!”, Merlin yelled back and got to his feet and walked up to Arthur, backing him into the closest bedpost.  
“I want you, all to myself. I want to kiss you, to hold you, for you to only see me, that you think about me when I'm not with you, to laugh with you. I love your smile, even your prattish behaviour I love your gorgeous body and want to push you down. It's torture to see you naked whenever you take a bath or help you dress when I cannot touch you, no matter how much I want to. But most of all I want you to be happy!”  
Arthur stared at him, blinking.  
“I helped you with Gwen, even though I wanted to be the one for you, but if she's the one to make you happy, I'd help you with her. That's how much I love you!”  
“Then why did you...”, Arthur growled between his teeth.  
“What?”, Merlin asked, still standing so close to Arthur he could feel his breath on his skin.  
“Why did you and her...”, he trailed of.  
“Her and me?”, Merlin rose a brow.  
“Come on, you can stop the act...”, Arthur shoved him off himself, making Merlin stagger backwards, “I saw you two in the hallway, Merlin, I told you...”  
He sounded tired and exhausted.  
Merlin blinked at him, “Excuse me?!”  
“This is all a joke to you, isn't it?”  
“What?”, now Merlin was utterly confused.

“First you betray me with my wife, then you tell me you love me? What kind of logic is that, huh? Did you mean to make her queen? Is that why you pushed me into talking to her? Being with her? So once she would be queen you two would kill me and you would be king? Was that your plan all along?!”  
Merlin stared at him, “What?!”  
He really had no idea where all that came from.  
“It's over, Merlin! You can stop pretending now!”, Arthur said, running a hand through his hair, “You got caught”  
“Uhm... I'm not sure anymore what you are talking about, Arthur”, Merlin said honestly and rose his brows, “Why would I want to be king? You are the king... you were always meant to be... and when and how did I betray you with Gwen? And honestly I never wanted her to be queen because I just don't want ANYone to be queen when YOU are king, if you must know”  
Arthur shook his head, “Don't even try”  
“I'm not, Arthur... I don't know what you are talking about... And I told you, I'd never use my powers against you, I don't want to be king and I really do love you, so why would I use it against you?”  
“Powers?”, Arthur scoffed, “so, you honestly think I'll believe you that?”  
Merlin nodded, “Actually, yes... because it's the truth. Arthur, look at me...”  
Arthur turned around, “What?”  
“Do I look like I'm lying to you?”  
“How am I supposed to know after all this?!”  
Merlin swallowed hard, “True... but... I mean it”  
He moved closer to Arthur again, “All I ever did was for you and if you tell me to leave, I will... you can kill me too, if you want, but”  
He took hold of Arthur's hand and brought it to his own cheek, kissing it and leaning into it, “you are the only one who's allowed to kill me... who can kill me”  
Arthur's cheeks flushed and he pulled his hand out of Merlin's gentle hold.  
“You-!”, he was about to shout something, but Merlin leaned even closer.  
“And since we've come so far, I want to get at least something out of it”  
The kiss came as such a surprise that Arthur was unable to move away and once Merlin had pulled back again and was looking at him, all the blonde was able to do was stare.  
“Believe me, magic is like a sword, it depends on who's the one that holds it, the person wielding it decides whether it's good or bad”, Merlin explained softly and tried to flash his king a smile, “You know me... did I ever hurt you? No, I only ever used it to protect you”  
Arthur's eyes widened, “Wha... WHAT?!”  
He stepped backwards and his face was pale with shock.  
Merlin blinked at him.  
“What... magic? What's got magic to do with this?”, Arthur asked suspiciously.  
“Uhm... well. I just thought it might be useful to explain it to you?”  
“Wha... why would you?”  
“Erm... since you kept assuming that all magic is bad and... well, I'm not and I-”  
“YOU have MAGIC?!”, Arthur exclaimed, pointing at the other man.  
Merlin looked at him, speechless.  
“You must be JOKING!?”  
“Er... no... wait...”, Merlin's eyes widened in understanding, “Are... are you telling me, all the things we've been talking about hadn't been about... my magic?”  
Arthur stared at him, “NO!?”  
Merlin took a step back as well, “Oh... then... WHAT have YOU been talking about?!”  
“That you were sleeping with my WIFE!?”, Arthur shouted.  
“Oh”, Merlin said, comprehending, “Oh...”  
“Yes... OH!”  
“Er... I'm not sleeping with Gwen... why would you think that?”, Merlin asked confused.  
“You've never talked about girls with me and you've never had a woman, I've never seen you with anyone but Gwen and then today, in the hallway you two were-”  
“We were talking about YOU!”, Merlin almost shouted, “and she was CONSOLING me, because you'd been an ASS again!”  
Arthur looked at him unbelieving, “Yeah... sure... as if!”  
“YES! You can ASK HER!”, Merlin ran a hand through his hair, “I'd never... god, Arthur... I'm not with anyone because I've been in love with you for YEARS!”  
That caught the blonde so off-guard he actually blushed and froze.  
“How can you think I'd... seriously... I don't know what's going on in your head, sometimes... and here I thought, I was being pretty obvious... about... my feelings, even Gwaine realised it!?”  
“Magic”, Arthur whispered and now it was Merlin's time to flinch.  
“Yeah?”  
Arthur sighed, “I knew something was off about you, Merlin, but... even though I suspected it... more than once... I... I never thought... you really were...”  
“A sorcerer?”, Merlin finished his sentence.  
Arthur looked at him, “Yes”  
“I'm sorry...”  
The blonde stared, “So... everything... all we've been talking about... now... has been... about your magic? Not... Gwen?”  
Merlin sighed and nodded, “YES, for Christ's sake... just tell me what to do...”  
He was tired of their arguing and simply wanted to know what was going to happen now. His heart couldn't stand this pressure any longer.  
“And you kissed me”, Arthur whispered, licking his lips, “So... did you mean it?”  
Merlin rose his brows at his king, “Mean what?”  
“You love me?!”  
The young warlock tilted his head in confusion. Was that what had put Arthur off more than the part about magic? He nodded though.  
Arthur blushed and looked away and Merlin's eyes widened in surprise.  
That was unexpected. But what did it mean?  
“So... about my magic”  
“It doesn't matter”, Arthur said, waving him off, “No one needs to know”  
That was it? Merlin couldn't believe his ears. Was that what he had always been so afraid of?  
“But I still hate you for not trusting me enough to just tell me outright”, Arthur went on, pointing at his friend.  
Merlin nodded, “I can completely understand that, Arthur”  
“Good... now... uhm... about the other thing”  
“Y... yes?”, Merlin blushed.  
“I... I married Gwen, because... I... I had to... marry someone”  
Merlin stared at him.  
“And she's a good friend... and... I know it's not right... but... she lost Lancelot so I felt compelled to take care of her, but... I... always... I mean...”, he scratched his neck and looked away, “It doesn't matter”  
He coughed and looked at Merlin, “This will stay between us, all of it... We'll never speak of it again”  
Merlin just stared. “Does that mean, I can stay?”  
“Yes...”, Arthur nodded.  
“T... thank you, Sire!”, Merlin felt like crying again, “I... I promise you won't... have to feel bothered about... me... all this at all”  
“That's fine”, Arthur said, setting his jaw straight.  
“I... I'll take my leave now then... sire”, Merlin said, bowing which he normally didn't do and was about to leave the room, when Arthur ran after him, grabbed his wrist and shoved him against the still closed chamber door, closing his mouth with his own, kissing him deeply. He was pressing against Merlin with his whole body, breathing heavily through his nose.  
Merlin didn't quite understand what was going on, but he didn't really care either and went with it. Whatever it was.

“Arthur”, Merlin whispered when they were lying naked in the king's bed some time later.  
“What?”, the blonde growled, stroking through Merlin's hair, who had placed his head on Arthur's chest.  
“What was this?”  
“...As long as we don't talk about it...”, Arthur said, “it's nothing”  
Merlin blinked a little irritated.  
“So... if you want we can... do some not talking a bit more often...”, the blonde said and Merlin felt his heart speed up in his chest.  
“Sure – I'd like that”  
“though I know it's hard for you to be silent”, Arthur chuckled smirking and rolled them around, until he was laying on top of his servant, looking down at him.  
Merlin's cheeks flushed and he grinned back up, “Whatever you say, sire”, and moved his hands to Arthur's face, and kissed him.


End file.
